Monday, May 23, 2016

Weathering the storms

As most people do in life my family is going through some growing pains. My long time love (not my husband, cuz we are too cool to get hates the job that he took about six months ago, and before that he was really unhappy at the last one due to commute and feeling like he just wanted something different...better. Well he learned the hard way that the grass is not always greener on the other side and it has been the worst career mistake he has ever made. That being said it has been a huge stain at home, he has been moody and really hard to be around. He hasn't been himself and that makes me have to carry the bulk of the work that has to do with home and family. The relationship has changed, we don't even sleep in the same room anymore. I love him because we have been together for 13 years, and I stick with him because that is what a good wife does, she stands behind her man and his matter what. That's how I was raised.

But what happens when those decisions cause all sorts of unrelated problems?? Do you stay because you're suppose to, or because you want to, or because you have no where else to go??? I have really been struggling, and when I mention going to talk to someone about it, I just get the answer that he won't go, and if we are at that point what is the point of going?? I feel like his unhappiness is sucking the life out of me. It is taking away from our kids and its like a dark cloud over our family. He is impatient with the kids and I constantly feel like I have to referee them all. I know that I am not the only woman going through things like this and that others have it far worse than I do, but what about my happiness??? What about my girls?? I just feel like there is no one who can just give me an answer and man thats all i really want.

I have these days where I feel like he is a stranger and we dont even know each other any more. Do I even like him anymore?? The fighting gets to be so much and who wants to live this way really? I am the type of person who usually keeps all this in, but who the hell will really read this any way and what difference does it really make?? Well getting it out helps I guess, so to all those who are struggling like me...hang in there, the sun will shine again....

Monday, May 9, 2016

Changing the goals already

Sometimes I truly think I have ADD, but the truth is as much as I would love to be able to sew it isn't practical for me with my 2 year old with me all the time. She loves to help and I find myself battling her more and more. So that being said I am going to continue with my same other goals but I am going to work on cooking and photography now. I feel that if I can take amazing pictures of the places we go and the adventures the girls and I take. I would also like to take some shots of my favorite places in nature. I am still working on trying to finish my home decor as well and I think getting some art on the walls would go a long way too.

This past weekend we reconnected with some friends and had a great time visiting with them on Saturday night and it really just inspired me to get my house together as soon as possible and start hosting a lot of fun things. I want people to feel welcome at my house and want to hang with us. We have been in a down place with all the changes in our lives recently and I really want to find our way back to happiness. I need to have people around us and a good time again. i know how much I used to love having people over when I was a kid and I want to do that for my girls as well. I have really been too much into myself and i need to remember I am happiest with friends and my girls. So I am really actively going to work to get our social calendar filled up for the summer. Ok enough for now. I will post some pictures of my photography experiments soon.


Monday, April 25, 2016

Figuring things out really sucks sometimes...

Being that it has been practically forever since my last blog. Despite my best intentions of making this a new outlet for me and my potential it seems that I let everything I was going through get in my way. I did sorta go into a tailspin for about 2 months after I left my job. There is so much to that, the anger, the shame, the disappointment. Then from all that I went into to the whole "Holy crap now what am I going to do with my life?". This has been the interesting and sorta depressing part, I love being at home with my family, but then the more I do for them the less they do for themselves. I swear sometimes being the cook, the driver, and the maid are getting to be a job that I really don't want. My husband says that if I can just hang in there for our youngest to be 3 and go to school things will be great. The problem with that is that even he and I are starting to drift apart. I sometimes just feel like I am floating around. Most of my friends all work and the ones who don't are going to school. I really just am not sure that is what I want to do, and if I could even dedicate the time and effort into it.

The good thing about being home is again I get to be a stay at home for my baby, and that has really been great. I also figured out that I never want to work for a small company again and that I would really enjoy working from home. I need to find a part time deal soon though because money is tight and I would like to not be broke all the time. Its amazing how not having a job has kept me busier than ever. Not with a ton of fun things mind you, but busy trying to stay busy. Having a very active 2 year old is one of the hardest jobs. I have had to organize my sisters baby shower and now a trip to LA for our oldest daughter's 10th birthday. I have been trying to learn at the library about ways to improve myself and my family. I took some sewing lessons and would like to get more into that and practice. I am going to start setting more realistic attainable goals for myself for the next few month. I have always really enjoyed the whole blogging experience and really want to learn how to write better. As I have sat here and typed this blog while watching my daughters enjoy their breakfast on this Monday morning I have decided that I am in fact going to try and go back to school, provided I get financial aide. I will enroll in a writing class for summer and work on my sewing this month.

Ok so here are the goals for my next month May 2016
I will work on my sewing and be able to complete a project by the end of the month
I will go to the community college and enroll in school for the summer session
I will get a regular work out schedule down
I will walk the dog every night
I will blog more

Wish me luck,

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Starting a new chapter

Well well I grew a set and quit my crazy job last week. It has really been coming but that is a story for another day. I am going to do my best to live my dream, going back to school and working part time or even remotely. I want to send time with my daughters and give my 2 year old the mommy time she needs. its been good so far, I guess it really just doesn't feel totally real yet. this will give me even more time to blog and make my page better than ever. So stay tuned my friends, lets hope this goes well :)

Thursday, January 7, 2016

The mixtape of my far Part 1

So I was reading this great blog called death by chickens and she had this great post about what would be the mixtape of your life. Now for any young readers out there lets just say the playlist of your life...for the rest of us 90s kids we all know what I'm talking about. So after some very careful and honest thought I have composed the mixtape of my life thus far and the meaning behind every song. Since I am only in my 30s its not that long but I encourage all you new bloggers or even established ones to have some fun with this idea yourself.

1. Isn't She Lovely by Steve Wonder
I mean come on I was born and blessed my parents with my crazy self. I am the youngest of 2 and my sister always told me that my parents felt sorry for me when they found me in the Safeway parking lot, and thought that she could use a playmate. I in-turn always reminded her that Mom and Dad actually wanted and planned for me...unlike her who was a oh siblings :)

2. Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
This is just one of those songs we always used to listen to in the car with my Dad who was a total hippie in San Francisco (Where we are from) and loved this whole era of music...cuz it was amazing. Not to mention my father was surrounded by his beautiful brown eyed girls...Mom, Sis, and Me!

3. Dancing On The Ceiling by Lionel Richie 
This song was one of my favorites when I was a kid, my mother had a big sterio in our front living room and we always used to listen to the radio and dance around with her. Lionel Richie was one of her favs.

4. If I Can't Have You by Yvonne Elliman
Again as most of us can attest my mother is a huge influance in my musical taste, she LOVED DISCO! So of course we were treated to a full education in the music of that era. We listened to the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack all the time and this was my very favorite song on it. I love the Bee Gees but this song was just amazing.

5. Step By Step by New Kids On The Block
Ok so what...I like New Kids...there is no shame in my game. I was really young at the height of their fame but none the less I would be lying if I said this song wasn't great. Recently it was on XM radio while I was driving with my 9 year old daughter in the car, and i am not ashamed to admit that I had a total freak out moment flash back that she found highly entertaining. Good times.

6. Forever Your Girl by Paula Abdul
Every summer my bff Angie and I would sing this in the backyard at our river house and pretend we were in the music video. Not a bad song on the entire album if you ask me.

7. As Long As You Love Me by Backstreet Boys
This song defines the beginning of High School for me, I remember buying the single (yea brought that back) and listening to it all summer before my Freshman year. I have never been afraid to be who I am and I distinctly remember in a world of Hip-Hop and gangsta rap I was the Pop Princess. I decorated my locker with Nick Carter posters and never cared who said anything. Be yourself kids none of the people who make fun of you matter in the grand scheme of life I promise you.

8. Tearin Up My Heart by NSYNC
OMG when they hit the scene they brought so many people back to the awesomeness of POP music. I saw them in concert 8 times!!! Brittney Spears used to open for them and get boo'd...Wow they were amazing then and Justin Timberlake has just gotten better with age.

9. Stutter by Mystical and Joe
I used to sing this at the top of my lungs with my girls in the car during high school...

10. The One I Gave My Heart To by Aaliyah
We all have that puppy love heart break song that you listened to on repeat when you thought your world was ending cuz the guy you liked was a jerk. Gosh thank goodness I grew up.

11. Everywhere by Michelle Branch
This was my college song, I first heard it while studying in the library in New Orleans. It was so infectious and at a very lonely time in my life it brought up my spirits. Home sickness cure for me :)

12. Half Crazy by Musiq SoulChild
I went to college in the South and being a California native...well lets just say different was a HUGE understatement. This song always reminds me of being out there so much.

Ok we have made it through college now i need to stop and save the rest for another post since I have so many more to add this. Hope you make your own, this has been a really fun exercise for me :)

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Years Eve!

Happy New Year's Eve My Darlings!!!! I am so happy to say good bye to 2015 and start a new chapter in my life. I have all my lists prepped, I have my goals in my mind, and I very very motivated to change this coming year. What about you guys??? Anyone have any great resolutions that they want to share??? Don't be shy, no one on here but me! LOL

I have seen some great posts on facebook that have cracked me up, so I thought I would share the love and post them on here. If you haven't already figured it out I tend to have a very sarcastic sense of humor which comes from my Irish side, so if it is offensive to anyone...sorry, but I'm not really that sorry :)
This one is probably one of my faves, totally reminds me of my father and what he would say to someone who asked him what he was going to change about himself. My Cousin in-law Shalini posted it, so big up to her for being awesome.

Who doesn't love Calvin and Hobbs?...the younger generation that's these kids have no idea what they are missing out on...I personally have made sure that my daughter watches some of the retro shows that I used to watch like Full House so that she can know whats a point.

Ok last ironic since I have decided to become one of these cray cray people this year with unrealistic goals of change, but why not...what's the worst that can happen right???

I am wishing you all a very safe and happy New Year's eve, I will be at home with my girls enjoying a quiet New Year's eve safe and warm. Raise your glass for me and I will do the same with my beer!

Smooches Darlings

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Starting Fresh

Since I have truly been a fair-weather blogger for the last 5 years I have decided to restart this year and really really work at blogging a few times a week. 2016 is going to be a whole new year for me and I am really planning on changing a ton of stuff in my life. I feel like I have become very complacent in my day to day life with my family and work. Something about a new year, and a clean start is always so appealing, its like getting a do over to try and fix what you messed up the previous year. I personally am taking charge of my life and am going to try and be present in the hear and now for myself and my girls. I am planning on the usual new years resolutions like losing weight, saving money, learning something new...etc. I am also embarking on a few Challenges from various social media outlets. I am going to do a monthly instagram challenge, I am doing a blogging challenge for the year, a savings challenge, and one that will make me a better/healthier person. Now I realize that seems like a lot to take on for this cray cray mother of 2, but I really feel like its something that will keep me motivated and interested.

On top of all that I want to really work at my friendships, the old and the new. I feel like i really get caught up in my day to day life that I have ignored the friendships that I have and I really could use a better personal social life. I am 32 years old with a 9 and 2 year old, I want them to enjoy their childhood with friends and family. Not just getting taxied around to activities and school. Life if about living and that is exactly what I plan to do this it up. Since I lost my father 3 years ago life has been very difficult for me, the changes and challenges have gotten the better of me most times and I allow the stress to rule me. No more, I leave it in 2015 and encourage anyone brave enough to follow me to do the same. Let's make 2016 the best year yet.

Smooches My Darlings