Friday, January 24, 2014

Back in Action!

This is exactly how I have been feeling this week, maternity leave is over and I am back at work full time. I miss my babies and I love being back. Man is it hard to juggle the 2 girls, my mom who is baby sitting and the husband who is on his own health kick and isn't really trying to help. I love my family but I really just feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get the things done that I need to. I know that it will become more routine soon and won't be as overwhelming...but it sure is now.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Weird Baby Items...

So being a new mom again it's always interesting to see how much the baby gear has changed since I last had a baby. 7 years is a long time and it is really amazing the stuff that they have come up with since then. Some of it is pretty awesome while others are just down right weird. A girl friend of mine sent me this email with some of the craziest things on the market for babies. The weirdest part of all of it is that they really do sell all this stuff. Some of it is just down right unbelievable.

I personally found this to be extremely funny....

While this makes sense I would never use it for my baby...but again pretty amusing.

Well it will definately keep the baby warm...


I actually bought this...hey it had a couple hundred positive reviews on amazon and I know I hate when my daughters nose gets really well btw already tried it on the baby.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Christmas Shopping 2013

This year I decided that since I have just had a baby that I am going to do what I always SAY I am going to do every online. So far I have been pretty successful with my online I am sure most of you are thinking...really Tori??? Only now have you grasped the awesomeness that is online shopping?! To you my friends I would reply yes...I have always been one of those people that enjoys the instant gratification of shopping, and I am not always the most patient person in the world. I have sorta enjoyed the mad rush of the mall and hunting for the good deal that we all really know isn't that good of a deal. OK back to the point, last year I got a kindle paper white from my in laws (which was the BEST GIFT EVER) and "Santa" brought my daughter a kindle fire. I went for the Amazon prime membership just so I could get the free time for her and the library rentals for me. Other than that I haven't taken advantage of the free 2 day shipping, until now! I have seriously gone nuts!!! I have pretty much ordered all the Xmas gifts from Amazon this year since going to the mall with my infant is not going to happen. Love, love, LOVE!!!!

Now after my love affair with online shopping is in full effect, my Mom decides that she wants me to take her Christmas shopping in San Francisco (where she lives and I grew up) so that she can get it all done. Left the baby with my mother in law and made the trek down there with my mom and older daughter. We had fun, but after 4 hours of fighting the crowds and the madness I am in no rush to return to the shopping life that I once knew. I think the worst part was waiting in line for all the people who found stuff and wanted to argue the price. It was really just crazy...I felt like telling them that we are at the mall during the holidays...its not a negotiation buy it or don't! I swore as I was waiting it just seemed like some people wait all year to buy there new wardrobe at Christmas time. I find that seriously amusing. Oh well to all you shoppers out there I wish you good luck, I know I will have to make at least one more trip to the mall before the season is over. Happy Shopping :)

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Balancing Act

Exactly how i feel today....
As a mother I know that we have all been here before, life with a family is truly one heck of a balancing act that we constantly have to keep a grip on or it can all just fall apart. The adventures in motherhood are never ending and have taught me some very valuable lessons over the years. Just when I think I have a handle on it, my kids have shown me that I ain't seen nothing yet...

Last night I was feeding my youngest who is 3 weeks old today and my older daughter decided that it would be a great time to run and jump up on the bed and hover over me and the baby. As always these days due to lack of sleep and running around most of the day, my patience was less than what it normally is and I yelled at her to knock it off. Of course as fate would have it the Hubs walks in right at that moment and she started crying to him that I got mad at her for nothing and that all my attention goes to the baby. In my own defense I was very irritated because I had picked her up from school, made cookies with her after and took her to the library to do her favorite activity that they offer on Tuesday which is reading to the dogs (I know I thought it was weird too, but I am telling you the kids love it). All of this we did just the two of us, since my mom is here she took over baby duty so I could spend some mommy/daughter time with my big girl. 

Being an only child for 7 years and having my undivided attention her entire life, I knew having the baby was going to be an adjustment for her. We did our best to prepare her for it, but how can you really prep a kid for something that they have never really experienced. She loves her little sister so much and it is wonderful to watch her interact with the baby...but man I am telling you it has been rough these last 3 weeks. I know that it will just take time for her to get used to the baby being here, and that things will get easier I hope. All that being said I wonder now if our choice in waiting so long was a mistake...I can't take it back but after being so taumatized having my oldest I was in NO rush to have another baby. All my friends keep telling me that it will get better so I sure hope that they are right. Gotta get going and get all my crap done for the day. Hope you all have a great day, and thanks for reading my blog :)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Hamster Wheel

Do you ever have that hamster wheel feeling?? You know when you are running and working like crazy but it feels like you are going nowhere.

I am starting to feel like a junkie and coffee is my drug of choice...I haven't used my keurig this much since I got it two years ago! Oh the joys of having a new baby in the house again. It's really not even the baby that is the issue, I have my mom staying and helping out which is great, the hubs went back to work this week and my 7 year old is still going through the adjustments of no longer being an only child. That being said I feel like I am getting pulled in so many different directions, yet my responsibilities haven't changed at all. I guess I should have know better, I am the super mom, wifey, and naturally they all expect the same from me even though I have been getting about 3 hours of sleep at night.

I tell myself on an hourly basis to count my blessing and that I love my family so it would be a bad thing to want to kill them...even the dog has become way more needy than ever! I just can't seem to catch a break this week. I have this fantasy of taking the baby and running away to my family's summer house that is out in the middle of the country and just staying there for a few weeks, bonding with her and only having to take care of the two of us while the clan realizes how much work Mommy puts in on a daily basis. Then I come back to myself and realize how selfish that oh well I would never do it and I know as I type this out it is the lack of sleep prompting me to even write and post this. Someday I will look back and laugh at how crazy I am being...I hope. You know it's bad when you find yourself actually missing work!

Now that I got that all out of my system...I love my family and being a mom, it just gets hard on all of us at times and we could use an extra hug, or I love you, or better yet "hey honey let me do the dishes tonight". So be kind to those hard working women in your life, we are super heros without capes.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Starting a New Chapter in My Life

I have never been a fan of the term "Fresh Start" or "New Beginning" because lets face it there's truly no such thing. There is no way that you can ever really start something totally fresh because we are still the same people who have the same baggage that we will carry throughout our lives...good, bad, or ugly it makes us who we are. The experiences that we have been through change us, and help us grow into the person that we are today...That being said I prefer the term new chapter in life because that is exactly what it is...a new section of the story that is our lives.

So now that I got that out of the way I do have a new start of a chapter in my families life...we had a new baby about 2 and half weeks ago. Being pregnant at 30 was very different from being pregnant at 22, and for me it was a hell of a lot easier. My first daughter Samira I have always lovingly said tried to kill me from the inside during my pregnancy with her, but she taught me how to be a mother and is the sweetest little girl I know. I have been blessed yet again 7 years later with another beautiful baby girl we have named Ryah (Just like it's spelled ppl RY-AAHH) my fiance and I are so happy to have this wonderful addition to the family to help us all heal from the traumatic loss of my father last October.

As you can see from my past posts, it was an extremely painful ordeal, as is any loss of a loved one and my family went through a really tough time coping with the void that we all feel in his absence. I personally have come to realize that I will never fully heal from his loss, but have learned to live with the pain of it...I think of him every single day, and am grateful to God that he blessed me with such a wonderful man as my father. He set the bar so high, that no one will ever be as cool, funny, or loving as he was. Our entire family has suffered a huge loss...we all had to travel our paths of grief, and I myself threw myself into activities for my daughter, work, my fiance and the additions to our family (we got a puppy too) to help me deal with it. I stopped interacting on social media, stopped blogging and spent most of that time sort of in a self imposed exile. I just wanted to be with my family, and didn't worry about the friendships that I had. I figured that if they were my real friends they would still be there for me after this was all over...and they are :)

Now that the baby is here and I am on maternity leave I find that it is time to make some major changes in  my life. I am going to get more organized than ever before, because lets face it...I am going to need to be with a busy 7 year old and an infant. I want to be better with my money, save and start finding ways to come up in life. Start a business or something that will really help me feel like I have accomplished something, and will put my girls through college. I also want to buy a house and get married to the love of my life, we have been together for 10 years and it's about time that we do it...we were planning it when Dad got sick and I cancelled everything when he was diagnosed with leukemia, and just haven't been able to think about doing it without him.

I am at the jumping off point and poised for success, I plan on documenting this journey so that I can look back on it someday and remember what the day to day was like...I hope you follow me :P

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Getting Through It...

As you know I lost my beloved father this past October and have been trying to cope with that as well as be a wife and mother. My own mother has fallen off the deep end and has the luxury of being able to do nothing but grieve. I on the other hand am not so lucky. I just grin and bear it until I can't any more, then the sadness hits and I cry and cry wishing for things that will never be. Until loosing my father I had always felt bad for those who had suffered a loss, but never really understood the pain of it. I do now, and when I hear of friends and co-workers who have also recently lost a parent...I have no words. I just tell them how truly sorry I am, and the funniest part of all is that I know that makes them feel better than anything else I could say. I know this because when it was all fresh for me, my cousins who had lost their father to cancer 4 years before, didn't say anything just hugged me and told me that they understood my pain. It's amazing how no words at all can be the best medicine. I know that people just don't know what to say, or want to let you know that they care...but words of sympathy seemed so empty to me at the time, and I was tired of hearing them.

Now almost 8 months later, I have adjusted to the fact that my dad is gone. The pain is still there, but I know that he is gone and that my life has been altered. My sister and I have gotten closer, being that we understand wholly what the other has lost. My daughter misses her best friend and Grandpa, but we talk about him all the time so that she remembers just how awesome he was. I think of him always and in every situation just wish that I could talk to him or ask his advice. Death is so final, and although I know that he is always with me in my heart that just doesn't seem like enough. My father had a larger than life personality and was so funny, the hole in my life will never be filled. The hole in my heart aches to see him again...

When my sister and I were younger we always went to the cemetery with our Dad, we would walk around and look at the headstones. See how young some of them were and wonder what happened to them. Being Irish you get used to cemeteries and funeral at a young age. Death is part of life and we should be happy that they are in heaven now with God and their loved ones. I remember my sister asking our dad as we visited his parent grave "Dad do you still miss him after all these years?" (my sister and I only knew my grandfather because my grandmother had passed before we were born) his response is one that has stayed with me because he loved to retell this story...He said "You know I asked my dad the same question when I was a little bit older than you are now, and I am going to tell you what he told me because it is so very true. I miss him as much today, as the day he died." Amazing how life truly comes full circle, because I know that I miss him as much today as that terrible day in October when he left this life for the next.